Of Trolls and Nosebleeds

Let it be known that I am incredibly shallow when it comes to Warcraft trolls. In fact, the only troll model I can usually stand to look at ingame is the jungle troll model, which is of course the model that playable trolls use, and several aggressive NPCs in areas like Stranglethorn Vale and Tanaris; though the latter are technically sand trolls. Jungle trolls are tall, lean, cunning, have fantastic voices, and are just downright sexy. Like, the kind of sexy where my nose will inevitably explode S.E.X.Y.

A male, and female, jungle troll, as the playable models appear. This is - and always will be - the best looking model for trolls...at least in this one's humble opinion. :P

Trolls are the oldest race on Azeroth, as such, they became very widespread and there are many different kinds of trolls. Today though, we're focusing on their larger cousins - much larger cousins - forest trolls and ice trolls.

Before the dungeon Zul'Aman became available, all forest trolls either looked like really, really green jungle trolls, or they had a buffer, but really ugly and blocky "unique" model, which is still seen in the game in certain areas. To honor the forest-troll themed dungeon however, a new model was given to the forest trolls inside...

Oh good lord. He's way too big, he has a fat head, and he looks greasy. He still retains that intelligent and cunning look that jungle trolls do, and really, I admit that, as far as detail goes, the model looks good. But he isn't attractive in the slightest. I was very much aware that forest trolls were much larger than jungle trolls, and I'd always hoped that they'd eventually get their own unique model...well, it happened, and I suppose it's hypocritical of me to hate it as much as I do.

You may think hate is a harsh word. But it isn't. LOATHE is a harsh word, and loathe is how I feel towards the newly-revealed ice troll model for Wrath of the Lich King.


This, my friends, is what hides under your bed at night and makes small children cry. At first glance he may look like a pale forest troll, but if you look at his face, you can see his nose droops, as do his eyelids. He just looks...retarded, and ugly. I...am stunned, really.

Now, I have a male troll rogue I play on occasion, named Yenniku (no relation to Vol'jin's son), who I'd dubbed as an ice troll, way back when...


I love Yenniku. He's smooth, he's sexy, he has a bitchin' do, and a tendency to do random flips in the air when he busts out the dance. He's also very, very vain about how he looks. Like, blood elf vain. In fact, if he went to Northrend to see his family, he'd probably throw himself off a cliff out of embarrassment, and fear of catching the ugly.

I'm too attached to the idea of him being at least related to ice trolls though, so from this day forward, he's only half ice troll.

You may also notice that neither ice nor forest trolls seem to have females present. Either they don't have new models yet, or they reproduce through other, scarier means. I am however rather glad I can't see what the females look like. Kind of like a female ogre, some things are best left unseen.

And thus ends my shallow rant!